Seven Secrets of a Happy Marriage
Do you believe in falling in love? In finding that "special someone" who is your other half, your soulmate? Do you dream of finding the one person in all the world who will understand you, love you and be there for you, no matter what? If so, you're not alone. In fact, statistics show that about 90% of adults will get married at least once in their lives.
As a society, we've become so conditioned to the fairy tale of "Happily Ever After" that many people actually feel as if their life is lacking something if they're not a part of a couple.
But sadly, just like in the movies, most peoples' thoughts seem to stop at the part when the music swells and the happy couple says "I do" and loses themselves in that first magic kiss as husband and wife. They don't think about what happens after the honeymoon.
Considering that about 43% of all marriages in the U.S. ends in divorce, perhaps a class on the realities of building and maintaining a strong healthy marriage should become required before signing on the dotted line of a marriage license.
Having a happy marriage doesn't just happen by accident. It doesn't happen because you're "in love" or "perfect" for each other. Marriage is a partnership, and like any partnership, it takes commitment, dedication and hard work to help it to grow strong.
Here are some tips given by couples whose marriages are strong and healthy. Follow them, adapt them to work in your own marriage, and you'll be on your way to having what we all want -- a happy marriage!
1. Communicate. It's important that you keep the lines of communication open. Especially when things go wrong. There are so many outside influences that can affect a marriage -- jobs, family, friends, hobbies, education, church. If you're suddenly not being able to spend time together, or you're fighting about money, it's especially important to talk about what's going on.
2. Listen. It's a sad fact that we are often more polite to strangers than we are to the people we love the most. If your spouse is trying to talk to you, whether it's to find out what you want for dinner, to tell you about their day, or to discuss a problem in your marriage, give them the same courtesy you'd give a complete stranger, and LISTEN! Don't try to finish their sentences, don't try to solve their problems, and don't ever say, "I told you so!" Here's an especially apt poem, written by Ogden Nash:
It's really a good idea to probe a little deeper into the subject of marriage,love. What you learn may give you the confidence you need to venture into new areas.
To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.
3. Create rituals and family traditions. Every successful couple has their own private rituals - things they do that has a special meaning just to them. So whether it's getting your spouse coffee every morning, a special touch that means "I love you", or creating couple signals for "Let's get out of here, or "No, I don't want to buy a timeshare for $95,000!" find your own. Remember some of your favorite childhood family traditions, and incorporate them or start new ones in your own couple. Someday, you'll look back on each time as a treasured memory.
4. Go on a date. Couples who have been together for thirty, forty and even fifty years or more say that one of the things that has kept their marriage strong is going out on a "date" with their spouse on a regular basis. If money is tight, try taking a walk together, going to a dollar movie, or even to a drive-in. Spending quality "couple-time" helps to reinforce the special feelings that made you fall in love with each other in the first place.
5. Agree on money matters early. Amazingly, many couples never discuss money except in the most superficial ways until after they're married. One of the leading causes of arguments in marriages is because of a difference in how money is handled in the couple. Before you walk down the isle, discuss your feelings about things like credit, paying bills and saving money. Talk about how you will pay expenses, and who will handle the money. Finding out after the fact that you have major differences is only going to lead to long term problems.
6. Love and Respect. No matter what happens outside of your marriage, it's vital that you and your spouse always treat each other with love and respect. There are some simple rules that have worked for couples for the last 80 years that still apply today. They include: Never go to bed angry. Kiss each other every time you come home, or before going out. Say "I love you" every single day. Mind your manners, and say "Please" and "Thank-you". Do something for the one you love every day. Just because. Occasionally write love letters to each other. Laugh at his/her jokes, no matter how bad they are, or how often you've heard them. Don't sweat the little things. Try something new once in a while.
7. Maintain a commitment to your marriage. This can be especially difficult today, but it's important that you put your marriage first. If you're committed to making your marriage a success, and you know that your partner shares your commitment, there's nothing that the two of you can't accomplish.
And you'll be one of the lucky few that have a truly happy marriage!
Don't limit yourself by refusing to learn the details about marriage,love. The more you know, the easier it will be to focus on what's important.
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Michael Hehn writes articles about various topics. Find out what he has to say about love-poem at Love-Poem
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What Makes A Great Relationship Great?
What makes the Great great. They are willing to be different from those around them. Friends and family may tell you to give up or that you are trying too hard. They may suggest games that incite a sense of jealousy. Whatever the case may be, you must decide whose calling the shots. You have to live with the decisions and the actions that you make. Make sure that this is done to the best of your ability.
Direction comes a lot easier when you have a model of how you want to be. When I am not sure how to model myself as a great partner in a particular situation I like to ask the question, "How would the partner I'd like to be do the thing I want to do?" Often, I get an immediate answer and proceed from there. Where you are right now in life is the result of the kind of questions that you ask. Make sure that you ask questions that promote a positive direction not only for yourself but also especially for the future of your relationship. Another example is "What can I do to have a wonderful relationship?"
Greatness as a partner demands that you expand your ability to love. Growing a better relationship will be in direct proportion to your ability to love. Strive to consistently love in all that you do. Be consistent in love with the words that you speak and especially in the words that you do not speak. Love requires sacrifice. It means doing things that you do not feel like doing and listening to the same complaint over and over again. Partner focused relationships are synonymous with love. Only through these sacrifices of love will you ever achieve greatness.
Maturity takes time. Some skills are harder to learn than others. Keep this in mind as you are suffering with new concepts like listening techniques. Advancement comes through hard work. You would never go to your supervisor and say, "Give me a raise and I'll work harder." Instead, you would make sure that your performance is top notch and if it is, then you probably will not have to ask for the raise. Promotion will be inevitable. Always be willing to go the extra mile. Your partner deserves it.
Do not compare your efforts to those of others who complain. Those who whine and complain never achieve the mature levels of greatness. They end up divorced and alone. Fear will be your biggest obstacle on your path towards greatness. Fear creates countless reasons why you should forget you ever thought about being a Great partner. Perhaps you could save yourself the embarrassment of failure and rejection if you just pretend that you have never heard the difference between good partners and great ones. Maybe you could blend in with the others who exist in a dead end relationship. It is normal to doubt your ability to transform into a great partner but do not surrender to this fear. It is a lie. I have transformed. I have seen hundreds of men and women transform. You can too!
Commit yourself to be GREAT.
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Mark Webb is the author of How To Be a Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships. Sign up for Mark Webbs Relationship Strategies Ezine ($100 value). Just visit his website at www.powerfulrelationshipadvice.com or www.therelationshipspecialist.com .
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Do You Make These 3 Common Mistakes In Your Marriage?
Although we may have the best intentions in building a strong relationship with our spouse, it's easy to fall into a few traps that will undermine our relationship rather than build our relationship.
Mistake #1 - Criticizing Your Spouse
It's easy to criticize your spouse for not being perfect while we ignore our own imperfections. We need to focus on what we can do and give to our relationship rather than on whether or not our spouse has imperfections or idiosyncrasies that bother us.
After all, there is a good chance that you knew about those imperfections long before you married them. Yet, you made a decision that in the grand scheme of things they really didn't matter. Well, you were right, they really don't matter and you need to get over it!
Instead of wasting your energy dwelling on their faults, use your energy to create a balance in your life between family, friends, work, sports, hobbies, recreation, and other interests.
When you work on your own life, you are less likely to hyper focus on the imperfections of your spouse.
Mistake #2 - Making Fun of Your Spouse
A common mistake made by many in their marriage relationship is to use their spouse as the source of humorous material for their conversations with others.
They may say that it's just in jest, and their spouse is secure in their relationship and knows they are kidding; however, anytime we are willing to say things to make light of our spouse, we are treading on sacred ground and better take a step back.
Cutting remarks, even in jest, cut nonetheless and why would anyone want to cut someone who is the focal point of their existence?
Mistake #3 - Assuming Your Work Is Done Now That You Have Caught And Married The Person Of Your Dreams
It's easy to be lulled into a belief that the real work of a marriage relationship is done once the "I Do's" are said.
However, it is really just the beginning of discovering and nurturing a relationship that will last a life time. Keeping love alive in a marriage requires work and communication. That means that you should talk daily about things of interest, of importance to your family and your marriage.
It's also a good idea to have a weekly date night that is free from the distractions of family and work to help your marriage grow in depth and magnitude.
As you side step these common mistakes in your marriage, you will discover an intensification in your marriage that you had never imagined possible when you first started down the road with your spouse.
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Beth Young is the Senior Editor of the leading marriage advise web site, MarriageAdvise.com. To download your free ebook titled, "101 Marriage Secrets" visit www.MarrigeAdvice.com .
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5 Ways to Make a Great First Impression
Any seduction starts before you even speak to a girl, she is making an instant judgement about you as soon as she catches sight of you out of the corner of her eye. Women are much more subtle than men and can make this judgement without you even knowing. Here is how to make a great first impression:
1. Look like you are enjoying yourself
Most men do not enjoy themselves in bars and clubs, they stand shoulder to shoulder, checking out the women and making the occasional comment to each other. They dont look like they are enjoying each others company and are just out to meet women.
This creates a bad first impression. When you see people having fun, you want to join them and you have a better first impression they appear friendlier, safer, and nicer. Even if you are not having fun, look like you are.
Look happy to be in the place and try to have higher energy than those around you. Animated body language, a smiling face and exaggerated reactions are ways to look like you are having fun.
2. Do not stare or obviously check out the girls
Dont stand shoulder to shoulder with your friend, stand opposite each other and subtly check out the girls over each others shoulder. This is what girls do! It separates you from all the other guys.
3. Be the fun sociable guy
If a girl sees you standing around bored and then you approach and put a smile on your face, it seems fake. If you are chatting with the bar staff, talking to men, having fun with friends, and generally being the fun sociable guy, when you talk to her, she will be much more receptive because you have demonstrated that that is how you are with everyone and that your natural character is that of a cool person that likes to meet people.
4. Dont dress generically
The rule here is that your clothes should be comment worthy. If a girl cannot say: I like your jeans/shirt/shoes/jacket, then it means it is either ugly or generic.
You dont need to wear outlandish stuff but it should be something that shows you have some personality and arent just part of the masses. If you are on a budget, the most important things are the shoes and jacket.
5. Be Well-Groomed
Women notice small details. Clean your nails, iron your shirt, wash your hair, trim your nose hair. Little things can completely put a woman off.
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Did you find those seduction tips useful? You can become a Pick Up Artist if you train with us. Find out how to become a master seducer at: www.puatraining.com
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Decide To Be A Great Partner
Decide To Be Great! Great relationships do not just happen. They are the result of bold decisions. It took me years to realize why some relationships succeed while others fail. Individual after individual cited.
I don't know why she left me. I was a good husband. I don't know why he left me for another woman. I was a good wife.
Eventually I realized that the difference was in the label. Good only gets poor results and poor results are not enough to carry a relationship, let alone make it satisfying. You have to decide to be GREAT because a great partner will do many things that a good partner will not. By making this distinction you will set a better course for yourself and thus you will get the kind of relationship that you have always wanted.
Learning to put the needs of your partner first is the core of becoming great. Many people struggle with this because of selfish patterns of desire. In order to be a great partner you must put your partner first in all things.
Partner focused relationships center on the bigger picture, which is connectedness. The level of closeness shared will be in proportion to the sacrifices made. If you want to be at the center of your relationship and have everything be about you, then this book is not for you. I am only looking for the men and women who are tired of playing games and are looking for true results. If this is you, then welcome. I can show you a better way.
Loneliness is the consequence of self-centeredness. Time after time, I see people insist on having their own way until their partner leaves them in total disgust and complete resentment. Selfishness never works. This is a hard lesson for most of us to learn and some never do. Most people do not even realize that they have tendencies that are in fact selfish. By the time you finish this book that will be eliminated from your conduct. Your partner will look at you with eyes of respect and will feel safe in your presence. Trust will no longer be such a key issue and love will abound.
Is it ever too late to learn how to become a great partner? The answer is never. Are you willing to do whatever it takes? Most say yes but their actions say no.
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Mark Webb is the author of How To Be a Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships. Sign up for Mark Webb's Relationship Strategies Ezine ($100 value). Just visit his website at www.powerfulrelationshipadvice.com or www.therelationshipspecialist.com .
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Relationship Advice: What to do when Your Partner is Blue
What do we do when our partners feel blue? Try to cheer them up? Let them sit in it? Try to talk them out of it? Take it personally?
1. Listen closely. What's going on? What is your partner's perspective on things (it doesn't have to agree with yours!) Are there parts of this that could deepen your relationship, if only you understood them?
2. Is this an infrequent mood or a melancholic disposition? All people become blue now and then. Express concern and wait for it to pass.
Some people have a life-long blue attitude. You can't fight it, you can only learn to live with it, or encourage your partner to get into therapy.
Research now indicates that we all have our "set points" for how happy we can be. We have a range of happiness we're probably not going to exceed except for brief periods. However, why not learn how to live at the top end of this range? Therapy can help the melancholic individual do this.
3. Empathize. Empathy is a mild experience of what the other is feeling. We do not have to give up our own joy to have a mild experience of our partner's blue day.
Imagine what it would be like to feel that way, to think that way, or to have a similar experience of loss, disappointment, or hurt.
If your first reaction is to try to argue the other out of the feeling then Stop It! It just doesn't work. Your partner's unconscious knows whether you're really understanding and appreciating the dilemma. Until you're "really there" with the other, your words won't really get through.
4. Take care of yourself. When our partners are moody they aren't going to be very available for our emotional needs (or perhaps for our other needs, as well.) This means you need to be able to self-soothe, to tolerate your aloneness, and to not take personally your partner's inner decision to not be available.
Fair? Of course, it doesn't seem fair! But life is what it is and we had best learn to live with it as best we can.
Go for a walk. Call a friend. Meditate. Pray. Ride a bike. Swing on the playground. Read a book. Take a soothing bath.
5. Take stock and assess how your needs are being met. If your partner's moodiness is infrequent then hopefully your needs get met regularly.
If the moods are common and your needs seem to be unmet most of the time then you'll need to confront the issue at some point. Don't be too quick about it. Give yourself time to be sure. Give your partner time to get some therapy, and plan on going along yourself.
But, if nothing changes, hard decisions do eventually show themselves. I hope you never have to get to this point!
6. Celebrate the difficulty of your relationship! Anything worth doing is usually fairly difficult at first. By the time you have this thing working you're going to be a real relationship expert!
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Steve Roberts, "The Couples Guy," is an experienced Marriage and Family Therapist who shares tips and real life relationship secrets from over 20 years of practice. Get Insight and Wisdom at: www.whatworksforcouples.com/
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Dating Online And Offline
In order to see how many fit the bill you have in mind, place an ad in one of these personals online ads - you will be overwhelmed by the amount of results you will get. You will also be surprised at how many people are there in this world who can share your wavelength.
There is a saying that claims that you can meet the love of your life everywhere. In our cold reality of crime and technology, the romantic concept of meeting your true love on the bus has been somewhat diminished, not to say, entirely eliminated.
Have you almost given up hope of finding that perfect partner for your life. The biggest problem with dating today is actually finding somebody you can trust to go out with. For many years people for many reasons were not open about finding their partner on the Internet, but that is not the case today.
There may be many reasons for going cold, including finding some body else. Most people have no difficulty finding great people within just one month of using the service so your investment of time and money is usually minimized. Online dating has been proven successful in finding marriage partners and soul mates alike.
Internet dating is becoming more and more popular among singles of all ages throughout the world. Singles who are serious about looking for a committed relationship usually are very honest about what kind of man or woman they are looking for.
If you have already started searching through dating sites, you can see that there is an endless supply of men and women looking for casual dating , romance and marriage. I have been studying and writing about the subject of dating and romance for several years. The best thing is that often, romance is not expensive.
The origin of all this that has lead to the large interest in LDS dating today happened on a part of the east coast of the United States called the Burned-Over District due to that so many Christian revivals were happening here at that time. Christian dating is not as easy as following guidelines provided by faith. It is often more complicated for a Christian dating than it is perceived to be.
Are you an active senior adult looking for interesting and fun things to spice up your retirement living. If you are looking for regular outings or guided tours or vacations, there is probably a senior center near you that offers all sorts of activities from art to bingo to church outings. As a senior citizen, you can browse through the sites, and if you are lucky enough, you may find a worthy companion to share your joys and sorrows and while away the long lonely hours.
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Keith George always writes about valuable news & reviews. A related resource is Christian Dating Further information can be found at Your Home
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The School of Caring: Learning to Be a Caring Person
What kind of person are you?
It is a loaded question, but one that will determine how you deal with others, particularly with the women you wish to get to know better, date, and eventually enjoy romantic times with. Early in our dating lives, the object is very often about your needs. You are interested in spending time with the most beautiful, sexy, and exciting women you can find and maybe getting as far as the bedroom if you can.
In that way, early courting and seducing is all about the joy of sexual conquest, and there is a pleasure to that. But over time, you will begin to desire more than that. You will notice that the relationships you are in that work well for those self-centered goals are not very satisfying in other, more meaningful ways. They do not tend to last very long and, to be brutally honest, you are spending time with girls with the same values you used to hook up with them, and those values are not very uplifting in the long run.
So what we really want is those same traits in a woman that we had when we were just about conquest, but somehow more as well. We want our women to always be beautiful and sexy and touch us in that way. But the ideal would be that she is also a woman of values, of sensitivity, of thought and feeling so you can continue to see her and discover the complex woman in her . . . all the while enjoying the thrills that you had during the sexual conquest phase.
That is a tall order. But it is not impossible. You will have to change the types of women you approach and flirt with, your flirting style, and your method and plans in the early dates with the women you meet who seem to fit your new specifications. But those women do exist, and you are on the right track for building relationships that will truly become ones you will treasure and nurture . . . relationships that will much more fit the definition of romance rather than one night stands or affairs.
A Change of Focus
In addition to changing your flirting style, you should begin to alter the list of objectives you use when flirting and picking up women. Women who will be wonderful romances for you are more complex and have greater requirements for you to fill their emotional needs before you can grow close to them. Women approach dating much differently than we do as men. Some of the values that mean a lot to them are . . .
- They want to feel you are interested in them. Talk more about them than about yourself.
- They want to feel you are faithful and that you will be there for them long into the future.
- They want to know you are both strong and manly, but sensitive and gentle with them emotionally and sexually.
They want you to be a caring person. For a woman, the central organ of her romantic life is her heart, not her genitals.
That last one is absolutely the magic lamp for gaining the affection and romance of a beautiful, sexy woman. So when you answered the question at the beginning, did you answer that you are a caring person?
It is time to be honest and, for a lot of us guys, caring and concern for others especially at the emotional level is not our strength. But just like working a muscle to build strength and endurance, it is something that can be enhanced and made better over time. There are things you can do when not with a woman that will make you a more caring person in general. While the suggestions listed in this article may not seem on the surface to be related to dating or romance, they will alter how you think and feel and make you a more caring, compassionate, and empathic person. This, in turn, will be reflected during your time with your lover, and the outcome will be a stronger, healthier, more satisfying and romantic relationship.
Concern for Animals
When child psychologists or parents want to improve a childs ability to care for others, they often use a pet to help with that. You can use that impulse to care for a pet to expand this part of your personality, too. If you do not have a pet, now is the time to think about getting one.
Get a pet that you can have a relationship with, such as a dog or a cat. A goldfish cannot communicate with you very well. If you have a feeling for a certain kind of animal, use that to move you toward caring for the animal. It is always best to start out with a young animal a puppy or a kitten because they are so needy and responsive. At the same time, they are very affectionate and will bond to you, so you will begin to get both the feeling of warmth that caring for others brings, as well as the rewards.
Make time for your pet. Be patient when they make mistakes and think of them as a member of your family. At times you will forget you are doing this to help you be a better boyfriend, and that is good. That means you are genuinely becoming a caring person, not just manipulating yourself so you can make more progress with the ladies.
Caring for Humans
Now you can expand your feelings of concern and desire to help others to the disadvantaged in society. If you want to really jump start your emotional side toward caring, go and visit a childrens hospital and take the kids some presents. Your heart will be tugged by how adorable and yet how needy they are and, as with the pet, they will reward you with affection and gratitude, which will accelerate you toward becoming an even more caring individual.
You can take the momentum you got from that visit and expand your caring concern for the homeless, for victims of disasters overseas, or for orphans. If you would like to become involved in one of the organizations that lets you send a small amount of money to an orphan and exchange letters and pictures with them too, that will make this side of you grow and become more feeling.
You are Not a Wimp
During this time, as you find new emotions beginning to spring up inside you, you may feel you are becoming soft or less manly. In fact, the opposite is true. Your ability to feel and care for others is the height of manliness. It will play a major, all-important role down the road when you become a father and husband.
Moreover, the ability to be tender, to nurture and pamper someone you care about, will naturally come out in your tender times with your lover. She will notice it, and just as the pets and the children poured love back to you, so will your sweetheart. That loving will be romantic, intimate, and exciting in a way you never could achieve before when all you wanted to do was have short term thrills with sexy babes.
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DatingShare.com 100% free dating site and matchmaking service for singles. Plus provides free online dating forums with relationship advice and dating tips .
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Forgiving in Love and Relationships
Forgiveness is part of the tools needed in relationships to make love work. Forgiveness is letting your mate know that you realize they are human and will make mistakes.
When a person lacks the ability to forgive in relationships, it often causes problems along the way. Many relationships fall apart since one partner may say I forgive you, while showing behaviors that say otherwise. When a person forgives, they let go of the thinking that triggers the emotions repeatedly and continue their relationship without throwing the mistake up in the partners face later down the road.
Some people use mistakes as a tool to control the mate down the road. Thus, they will accumulate the mistakes and only use them when the moment arises to benefit the person. Thus, this is only adding fire to the flames already burning hot in the crevices of the minds emotions.
Accumulating mistakes to use as a weapon is not showing regard for the mate. Although the mate made a mistake, (depends on the mistake), it does not mean the mate does not have love for his/her partner.
Mistakes are a part of life, and when a person learns from their mistakes, it illustrates loyalty and commitment. Examples of mistakes made in relationship can help you to appreciate humanity and love.
Men often complain about their mates making them sleep on the couch, or denying them of intimacy because of mistakes made. Examine this idea closely and tell me what you see?
First, the mate is using sex as a weapon to control the mate. The mate is also going against the commitment in the relationship. What can a person possibly do so wrong that makes the mate say you are sleeping on the couch tonight, or else you are not getting it tonight? Did the mate commit adultery? If so, thus sleeping on the couch or denying the partner of sex is appropriate. Did the mate abuse the partner, by striking at the person physically? If so, getting out of the relationship is smarter than denying. Did the mate come home and slouch in front of the television again without regarding the partner?
Now we can review and examining the situation to determine if denying is appropriate. If your mate comes home each day and slouches in front of the television, thus denying is not the solution to fix the problem. Rather, someone must open the channels of communication to find a solution and resolve the problem. Willingness, consideration, openness, and other elements are essential on both parties' behalf to work through this situation. Denying the partner, will only lead to bigger problems down the road? If the partner feels neglected, or denied ongoing, thus eventually the human needs to feel needed, wanted and fulfilled will escalate to possible relations outside of the relationship.
The partner may fail to see that he/she too were neglectful in the relationship and act out of emotions, thus committing the ultimate sin that issues divorce.
Although this happens in relationships, some fail even though one party never denies the mate, and works hard to uphold their commitment to the partner. Some mates commit adultery, since the ultimate reason for relationship is wanton, or desire. If the soul mate is upholding their commitment and the partner commits adultery, thus the person may have reasons in mind, or behaviors and habit that lead up to the act.
If the partner is viewing, have inappropriate materials, or other influences sparking the emotions and thoughts, thus the person more likely than not will slip along the path of love. When a person feeds the mind garbage, thus garbage will come out along the path, regardless of the person's way of life. Almost any incident when a person fed the mind with garbage, thus the person slipped along the way. The person will violate the beliefs, traditions, standards, and commitment of others for selfish gain, thus telling the mate you mean nothing to me.
If you are considering love and relationship, you may want to take the time to ask your self what you expect from a relationship, and what you will not tolerate in a relationship.
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